Foreward: What you are about to read is fact. I have listened to the Pixies every day for the last 13 years in order to bring you this highly valuable information. There can be no other “best Pixies songs”  This is it. It’s official. I’m getting it tattooed on my face. I’m carving it into the pyramids. I’m sealing it into a time capsule with a photo of my dog, some Hostess Sno-Balls, and a newspaper from last Tuesday. 

1. Letter to Memphis

Why it’s the best: It’s extremely romantic. The guitars wail like a crying baby in a way so much more lovely than an actual crying baby. Undeniably catchy chorus while maintaining signature Pixies discordance.

Best lyric: “Used to be that my head was haunted / And all these sirens they make me mad / And all this violence it brings me down / I feel strong, I feel lucky / Trying to get to you”

2. Tame

Why it’s the best: The Pixies pioneered the whole quiet/super loud/quiet format that Nirvana and a bunch of your other favorite stupid bands ripped off, and this band is some of their best implementation of it. The weird heavy breathing part, enough said. Plus, the chorus is as tough as nails—more like a werewolf in a bad mood armed with two nail guns. Watch fans absolutely losing their minds to it above.

Best lyric: “Fall on your face in those bad shoes / Lying there like you’re TAAAAAAAME”

3. Velouria

Why it’s the best: Probably the best lyrics of any Pixies song, for starters, and excellent usage of Kim Deal’s vocals.  Also, the soaring bridge and übertriumphant final chorus.

Best lyric: “Hold my head / we’ll trampoline / finally through the roof / on to somewhere near and far in time”

4. Monkey Gone to Heaven

Why it’s the best: Highly conceptual anthem about some sort of Satanic primate abduction; what’s not to like? I read somewhere that “This monkey’s gone to heaven” was just supposed to be a placeholder lyric until Frank thought of something better, but could you really imagine any other words in their place? I guess he couldn’t either. Also, the perfectly executed reverb/echo on the part “If GOD is seven, then GOD is seven.”

Best lyric: “Rock me, Joe!”